


Heaven Isn't Too Far Away (Closer to it Everyday)

by unholyminter (oneswhonever)



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Existential Crisis, Friends to Lovers, Hallucinogens, M/M, Made For Each Other, Male Friendship, Men Crying, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Recreational Drug Use, Sexuality Crisis, Tears, i'm guilty, sidemen fanfic is a sin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:26:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8495170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneswhonever/pseuds/unholyminter
Summary: A series of unfortunate events put Simon Minter in a precarious situation.





	1. Chapter 1

It was unnaturally loud in the house when Simon woke up to the first snow of the winter.

"Great," he murmured, forcing himself out of the comfort of his bed, picking up a used shirt from the floor and carelessly slipping it over his head. He recognized the voices - JJ, Josh, and Vikk - but he wished they could save the noise for a more comfortable day. The first day of winter was always a struggle. "Here we go again."

He made his way downstairs, where all the guys were sitting at the table - surrounding a pizza box, all on their phones but chuckling among themselves. It was really strange for all of them to be home at the same time, let alone in the same room. He knew Josh and Vikk had their recordings to do, and recently JJ had been staying at his other place. Simon felt an unnatural amount of concern.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Minter," Vikk teased, sliding the box in Simon's direction - pepperoni. Simon picked the skinniest slice he saw, and reached in the fridge for a Ribena. "You seem cheerful this fine day."

"Clearly," Simon rolled his eyes, opening his can with his teeth as he took a seat on the stool beside Josh. "I'm also not in the mood for your patronizing, Vikk. You know this time of the year is shit."

Seasonal Affective Disorder was all too real, and Simon knew it more than anyone. Normally he was always very cheerful and in the mood to joke around with his friends, but for more reasons than one, winter was hard on him. He felt very ill more than anything, and he knew his physical and mental health were close to plummeting. He felt it was time to start pre-recording some videos, so he would have some on hand if he didn't feel like recording. He just hoped the lads would be understanding this time around - they handled it well enough last year.

"Simon," Josh said, sounding serious for once. Everyone liked to joke around and say Josh was the dad of the group because he was the oldest, but he was often very immature - just like the lot of them. "If you need to take a break, it's really no biggie."

Simon didn't say anything as he took a big bite of pizza, ignoring his friends completely as he pulled up Twitter on his phone, tuning out as the conversation around him flared back up. He had a feeling that his friends didn't really care about the issues he was having. He didn't want them to be all mushy, that's not what they were about, but they could show at least some regard so Simon didn't feel even worse. 

He really needed to stop bitching. They didn't have that type of hovering friendship - none of them did, and it was just silly to think that way. 

 

*

 

"FIFA?"

Simon looked up, and was actually pleasantly surprised to see Tobi in the corner of his room, holding up a custom Sidemen controller. He got up, feeling a wave of dizziness, as he went to give him a one-armed hug. He had spent the majority of the day pre-recording some videos, and was pretty disappointed in himself. He wasn't planning on keeping up with his normal schedule, but he was definitely aiming to have at least one video a day up. He didn't know how long of a break he was planning on taking, but he did know he needed awhile. 

"Hey, man," he greeted, his voice almost hoarse from all the speaking. "I didn't even know you were here. But yeah - I'd like that."

Tobi smiled and set up the system himself as he talked to Simon, his voice casual and calm as always. "I came in like ten minutes ago. I'm gonna film with Josh today but they mentioned you weren't feeling well...thought you'd like to hang out for awhile."

Simon bit his lip and leaned against the frame of his bed, twiddling his thumbs as he avoided looking at Tobi. "There's just a lot of shit in my head right now, man. You know how it is."

"Sure, sure."

Simon didn't talk much after that - and he certainly wasn't on top of his game. Tobi ended up winning two out of the three games that they played, before his friend left to go sort out his business with Josh. They were all good friends, but Simon was really envious of their relationship. He longed for a friendship that was more than fucking around and making jokes. They would all call him a pussy if they knew what he was thinking. But he really needed someone to talk to, and especially in times such as these. The guys understood, somewhat, but they would never fully realize the extent of Simon's depression. 

He was thinking like a real quitter, he realized.

He really couldn't help it - like he said to Tobi, his head was a complete mess. He was done with thinking for awhile. He had up his scheduled videos for the day, and he had pre-recorded three day's worth of videos. He figured doing a lengthier section tomorrow would be a better way to go, as opposed to forcing himself to stay awake and record when he wasn't feeling well. 

At the moment, sleeping was the easiest thing Simon could think of doing. 


	2. Chapter 2

Simon slept longer than he had planned to, apparently.

He was awaken by someone gently shaking his shoulder, which caused him to jerk back into consciousness - his vision fuzzy and unclear, body aching as he looked around the room, which was mostly dark besides the streetlights streaming in through his window. He looked around, only to lock eyes with Josh, who was clearly the one who woke him from his slumber. His older friend's face was one of concern, and he didn't remove his hand from Simon's shoulder.

"Hi..." said Josh, biting into his lower lip as he reached over and turned on Simon's lamp - causing the blonde's eyes to burn as he hissed in protest. "Sorry for waking you up, me and the guys were just worried...you've been asleep for like, fourteen hours."

Simon frowned and rubbed his eyes, feeling congested and snotty as he looked around the room, tearing his gaze from Josh's. "Um...well, thanks. But I'm fine."

That was doubtful - Simon probably looked like he had just gotten hit by a bus, and it sounded like he was starting to get a cold. Typical for the terrible winters, right? On top of all the sadness, he really didn't feel like being sick. 

"Okay, well," Josh finally moved his hand and retreated it back to his own side as he awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot. He was quite an awkward guy most of the time, honestly. "Um, Freezy is hosting his birthday party tonight, if you don't remember. I'm not sure if you want to go but the guys said I should wake you up just in case you did..."

Simon nodded, his head feeling like it could fall off his shoulders as he gradually rose to his feet. He was even more drowsy than he thought, and he nearly toppled over - reaching out and clutching Josh's arm for support. Almost immediately the brunette reached out and stabilized him - which was a surprise; Simon thought Josh would just let him fall, like other times he would trip. 

"Thanks," Simon murmured, loosening his death grip on his friend's arm as he managed to steady himself. "Yeah, of course I'll go. Um...just give me a bit to get showered and dressed and all that."

Josh nodded, giving Simon one last glance before heading out the door - "Sure thing, man."

 

*

 

"It's really great to see you, Cal."

Freezy smiled as he handed Simon a beer, which he gratefully accepted. He would have preferred something stronger, but he didn't want to become reliant on alcohol to solve his problems. It would be harder to hide, now that he was living with three other guys - as opposed to the careless roommates he lived with in college. Besides that, it was Freezy's birthday - Simon wasn't going to mope around all night. Not again.

"Thanks, man - you too," Freezy grinned as he sat on the couch, patting the spot beside him - which Simon took, taking a swig of his drink and immediately feeling himself unwind. He was actually happy he decided to come out to the club with them. Maybe a night out with the guys was just what he needed to lift his spirits - and maybe, just maybe, he would end up feeling okay and he wouldn't spiral back into his deep sadness like last year. Or the year before. "I'm really happy you came out. The guys weren't sure that you would."

Simon frowned, "Why wouldn't I? You're one of my best friends."

Freezy didn't say anything after that - he just leaned over, toppling into Simon's lap as he sipped at his drink. Simon reckoned they had a very close relationship. They didn't hide anything from each other. Simon found it weird to share all of his deepest darkest secrets with the guys, simply because he lived with them. He had it in his mind that they would look at him differently if they knew everything about him.

That's not to say Freezy knew everything, either. Simon kept a lot of secrets to himself, if nothing more than to keep up with his image. He would spill everything to his YouTube viewers, because he felt they deserved that for supporting him the way they did, but it was just out of character for the persona that he had built up for himself. He portrayed himself as a fun-loving open book. No secrets. And that just wasn't who he really is. He knew he had a lot of contemplating to do as far as that went. Maybe he did need to provide an explanation. 

"Hey, Simon," greeted a familiar, chipper voice. Simon looked up, his eyes heavy with exhaustion, to see Ethan standing before him. He well and truly adored Ethan; the two of them had grown very close over the last few years. Not on a _Simon and Freezy_ level, but pretty damn close - on par with Josh, Simon would say. "The guys were saying you've been feeling down. What's going on?"

Jesus. Did anyone know how to mind their own damn business?

"It's all good, man," Simon replied, leaning against Freezy as he took another swig of his drink - feeling more and more compelled to drink away all his feelings. He could feel the liquid dribbling down his chin, and bad memories rushed through his head. "How have you been doing?"

Ethan sat down on the couch with them on the other side of Freezy, seeming to accept Simon's answer as he began talking about a girl he had just met. This was one of the reasons Simon loved Ethan - he didn't hover, and he didn't pry. Simon complained all the time about wanting a deeper friendship with the guys, but sometimes he didn't want to talk about things. Ethan seemed to get that. 

Simon drank and he drank as he listened to Ethan. He could feel Freezy's eyes burning into him, but hey - it's a party, after all. 


	3. Chapter 3

Simon Minter figured he was in a never-ending life crisis, and it was unwarranted. He was doing what he loved and he was surrounded by people who made him happy - not to mention, he had a plethora of fans who looked up to and loved him. This was the reason he believed he had no right to complain about his life. Many other people had it much worse than he did.

He wasn't diagnosed with depression, or any other mental condition that would explain the funk he was in. Nothing tragic has ever happened in his life. He was all well and good one second, but then the next he was a moping mess. Maybe it was just in his personality that he was a sad alcoholic - he had no other explanation for his own behavior. 

And on the other hand, he couldn't recall when Freezy painted the ceiling. Also, why he decided on tacky red streaks. Simon would never understand interior decorating, he supposed. 

"Simon?" called a familiar voice. Simon couldn't put a face to it, but they sounded farther away than what should be possible. The room was crowded with sweaty, dancing bodies - it was impossible to tell. "Are you okay? What are you laying on the floor for?"

Ah, Tobi. Ever the mother hen of the group. 

"Huh? I'm fine. I think I lost Freezy, though..."

Simon felt himself being hoisted to his feet by a pair of muscular arms - Tobi, presumably. "Yeah, well, Freezy said he didn't want to be around you when you're drunk. You're kind of ruining his party, Simon."

Simon hated that people were so critical of his actions. He couldn't have a few beers to loosen up and enjoy himself? It took him so much to even leave the house to begin with. And of course it wasn't a problem when the other lads started to drink. They didn't know Simon had a problem with alcohol - they had no way of knowing. And as such, his drinking shouldn't be any of their concern. 

"I had three beers, Tobi. Freezy saw me drink all of them."

Simon felt the cool air bite his skin all of a sudden, and it occurred to him that they were now outside, Tobi practically dragging him as his legs refused to cooperate. "So, what? You're saying you were drugged or something?"

Simon pondered. "...Maybe."

It would make sense as to why he felt so sleepy and sick, after all. People insisted on buying him beers all night long, and he couldn't recall who gave him what. The house was full of friends, and friends of friends. He doesn't know why someone would choose to spike his drink, or who it could even be. It just didn't seem right - but, no one could get this drunk off of three beers. It wasn't feasible. Back in the day when Simon drank, it would take at least a six pack and some heavier liquor to get to his current state of being. 

"Simon, don't be ridiculous. Only hot chicks get drugged. Why would someone spike you?"

Simon's eyebrows furrowed together, not being used to hearing Tobi say such problematic things. He still raised a fair point - as to why someone would target Simon like that. It didn't make much sense. He was unnerved at the thought of drinking a spiked drink, but he still felt really airy and carefree. He forgot what it was like to drink so heavily that nothing bothered you anymore. He almost missed it.

"Tobi, I wanna go home," he murmured, feeling like he would fall on his face if Tobi let him go. He felt himself being laid down, and the sound of a car door slamming shortly after.

"I was planning on it, man. Josh and Vikk rode together, so I can get one of them to take your car back. Sound like a plan?"

Like music to Simon's ears.

 

***

 

Josh Bradley was concerned.

He had heard from Simon himself that he didn't handle his alcohol well. He didn't know any specifics and didn't care to ask for them, it wasn't any of his business, but seeing his younger friend so tripped out was concerning to him. He hadn't even seen Simon drink that much that night - certainly no more than Ethan and Harry, who were violently competing in drinking games galore.

Josh himself wasn't much of a drinker. He had indulged in one small shot that Joe Weller had purchased for him, and that was that. He now had to drive Simon's Range Rover back home, so he and Vikk were pretty sober. Being preoccupied the way he was, Josh wasn't particularly having fun at the party anymore. All of his friends were drunk and the mood was almost a little somber because of it. Surely no one would mind if he slipped out, so he did just that - fishing Simon's keys out of his pocket; he wasn't used to driving bigger cars, but he would manage.

 

***

 

Getting home was a struggle on Josh's end. The icy roads, the London traffic, and the darkness of the night - put it all together and it was a dreadful combination, especially in an unfamiliar car. However, he did get home without any disasters, so he considered that a victory. He carelessly chucked his keys on the counter, slowly creeping up the stairs. All the lights were out, so he presumed that Simon was asleep, and Tobi already went home.

Sure enough, as Josh pushed the door open, Simon was curled up in his bed - stripped down and only in his boxers. Josh frowned and stepped further into the room, turning Simon over on his side (just in case he threw up in the night), and tossed a blanket over his shivering body. The signs of a bad drink were undeniable - either Simon drank too much, or drank something he shouldn't have. Josh didn't like to imagine which it truly was.

He kept it in his mind to make sure to watch out for him throughout the night.  


End file.
